Honestly...

So lately me being a good liar has backfired on me. I guess bragging about it really came back to haunt me. I got caught going to Frisco instead of SB with Daisy by my phone record, I ditched and said I was really late to class and my dad emailed my teacher and found out, and I'm just getting in more trouble as college time rolls around the corner.

My dad says I have a cumpulsive lying disorder, which is a disease that I should rid myself of. Okay, if that's what will prevent me from getting into more trouble, I admit it. I have a cumpulsive lying disorder. And...truthfully, I'm ashamed and not proud of it now that I think about it. But who made me think lying is okay? All the people around me. You hurt me, I hurt you. That's how life is now...And I'm going to take a step to admit it and change it.

As we continue to float about on the boat of honesty, I must say that honestly...I really have no clue what I am doing with my life as of now. Fun, yes. But c'mon now, I'm a senior. I'm an adult. Should I be more adult-ish? Should I stop fucking around like a little girl? I don't wanna grow up!! I love to have my share of fun. Living my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T LIFE is satifying. Not the best, but coping and living it like I should. But does being independent mean being childish? Isn't independence a sign of adulthood? .... ???

Babylove, we don't talk anymore. You got what you wanted, I got what I wanted. So...should I feel guilty for the situation we're in now? I wish we had that friendship....a REAL friendship. Honestly, we don't have a real friendship. YOU know what we have. Don't deny it. I don't know what to do. Don't you ever wonder about everything? Don't you ever just think and say "Wow, we fucked up." Cause I do...all the time now.